There are so many feelings that accompany infertility. Misery doesn't always love company. Sometimes we have good days. Even though life is not always what I want it to be or think it should be, I thank God that I can still experience happiness. For me, it's proof that He really is everything we need, even when we don't know it.
A week or so after my miscarriage I wrote out Psalm 30:5 on a sticky note and taped it to my nightstand. Now, turning to that verse in my Bible I love what I see:
"Thank you, oh Father." God's promises are littered throughout the Bible. This promise gave me hope--hope that one day it wouldn't hurt as much as it hurt then. A hope that renewed my perception. This all makes me think of another quote, and I can't remember who said it: "All true prayer, when pursued far enough, ends in praise." Today I'm singing my praises. (I may not be tomorrow, but we're taking it one day at a time over here!)
I thank God every time I have a day like today, but I also know that not everyone is having this kind of day, so I want to use this entry to share something with you that really helps me on my not-so-joyful days.
A few months ago, I was listening to another Tim Keller sermon called "Praying Our Tears." I HIGHLY recommend this for ANYONE experiencing any amount of sadness or grief. I wish I could post the transcript, because his words are so much better than mine, but paraphrasing will have to do!
Everybody cries. Men. Big girls. (I'm sorry to tell you, but Fergie's a liar.) We all cry or vent. We're human. God doesn't promise that because you become a Christian suddenly things are all wonderful. In fact, Jesus was always weeping. Tears are just something that we need to expect. It's not a matter of if we cry, tears are going to happen. The matter is what we do with those times of lamentation. Tim challenges us to invest those tears. What he means is don't just dump them or vent your feelings and then get back to life. He doesn't mean denying or stuffing your feelings either. He means pray your feelings. Plant your tears so that joy and wisdom will grow where sadness was. "All true prayer, when pursued far enough, ends in praise."
Another cool point that I want to make, is this. If you read the Psalms, you'll find that they usually begin in a dark place, but end with hope. But this isn't the case in Psalm 39. It ends like this: "Look away from me, that I may smile again, before I am no more." David wrote this, and he wrote it to God. This is pretty rough, and probably not something most of us feel comfortable saying to the Creator of the universe. It just doesn't seem respectful. Now the cool part: "This verse is a witness to His understanding. He knows how we speak when we're desperate. He understands when we feel so overwhelmed that we say desperate things. He understands so much that He put an example in the Bible to say, 'it is safe to pray like this with me.'" This just gives me goosebumps, and I'm sure I did it no justice.
Jesus is waiting. He wants to meet you right where you are. Jesus came to "bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim liberty to the captive, to comfort those who mourn--to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes (Isaiah 61)."
My newest favorite band sings it well, in their song Cold is the Night, "But, Lord this road is meant for two." Wherever you find yourself today, whether it be broken, or grieving, or just happy, you're not alone. And you don't have to be. If you're broken, Jesus wants to make you whole. If you're grieving, He wants to comfort you. And if you're happy, He will rejoice with you. All you have to do is bring everything before Him, and don't be afraid. He promises a safe place. He promises that this pain will bring forth wisdom and JOY. You won't feel like this forever. "Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning."
No comments:
Post a Comment