wait.

I wasn’t planning on publishing another post until after we return from vacation, but this dreary weather is so perfect for a writing day, and thus I am motivated to share what’s on my mind.

Everyone comes to a point in their life when they hit that “wall”—that moment when you are emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. You think there is NO way you can take another step. But you do. And then another. Even if you’re crawling, you’re moving.

Everyone comes face to face with this wall, and you find out what kind of person you really are when you reach it, because you’re tested beyond what you thought you could handle. Most people find that they are stronger than they thought because they kept pushing past the wall and there, just beyond it, they find a second wind.

Fortitude. Perseverance. Patience. I’m slowly learning that patience is not a passive virtue. It is a “strong resilience in the spirit under pressure.” Currently, my spirit is under great pressure.

I recently had the opportunity to interview for a job at the same company that employs my mother. It was a bit of a drive, but the salary was tempting. I walked into the manager’s office with a very open mind, but as we talked I had a strong sense that this was not the calling for me, so it was easy to walk away.

All of this got me thinking about callings and purpose. Motherhood is a calling. Some women stumble into it and others plan for it, but no matter how you get there, I believe you are called there. I have tried so many times to leave it behind and walk away, but every time I find myself coming back. I feel called to be a mother. So why isn’t it happening?!

Consider this:

1. David's calling was to be king over Israel. God planted this knowledge in David's heart long before He planned to "make it happen." David trusted that one day it would come to pass. Key words: one day. God didn't reveal when. David always kept a good attitude and trusted that God would follow through in His own perfect timing. God has planted the desire to become a mother in my heart. Now it's my turn to trust in God's perfect timing.

 

2. Prior to becoming king, David spent a lot of his time in hiding. This probably confused David! But God sees the big picture. There are many, many confusing aspects of infertility, but, remember, God sees the big picture.

 

3. David's lowest point came directly before his exaltation to the throne. Life is hard, and, sadly, it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. We may not know what the future holds, but we do know the One who does. We just need to trust. And wait.

And so, I leave you with one of my favorite poems:

 “Wait” by Russell Kelfer 

 

Desperately, helplessly, longingly I cried;

Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate…

And the Master so gently said, “wait.”

“Wait? You say wait?” my indignant reply.

“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming Your word.

My future and all to which I relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?

I’m needing a ‘yes,’ or a go-ahead sign,

Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And, Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry;

I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.”

Then, quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,

As my Master replied again, “wait.”

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut

And grumbled to God, “So I’m waiting for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine…

And He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give you all you seek and pleased you would be.

You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.

You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint.

You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.

You’d not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence are all you can see.

You’d never experience the fullness of love

When the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of my comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.

And though oft my answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still…wait.”