Blessed Is She: A Journey to Motherhood: do your best, and then let it go.

Ah! so we're back from our vacation and the bittersweet taste of home is lingering! There's nothing like the open road and some good music to clear your mind and help you gain perspective. Sometimes it's good to remove yourself, lock yourself away with your Savior for some time, away from all the noise and confusion of daily life and any outside influences, and just take Him in--to be still and know that He is God.

Personally, I feel God more when I'm surrounded by nature. I could sense Him in the power of the ocean's waves and in the warmth of the beach's sand.

This vacation could not have come at a better time. As you've noticed lately, God's been giving me a series of pep talks, and that didn't end just because I was on vacation.

1. This week, my husband and I had the opportunity to woo each other all over again. A week without responsibility and distraction can do wonders for a marriage. You could just see the love cultivating (this was by FAR my favorite part of vacation!). This taught me that God and Francis should be number one priorities, above all else. Prior to our trip, I thought I already had this covered, but the time we invested into our marriage this week has proven otherwise! I have always been a people pleaser, and anyone who knows anything about anything, knows that people think differently, therefore it's impossible to please everyone at once. Sometimes there are people who are just insatiable and will not be happy no matter what. Leave it to me to keep trying anyway! Not anymore! I know that I can't please everyone, but I do need to do my best to please my God and my husband. Our time here is limited and I need to do for God and Fran what I can now. This point leads to my second "pep talk."

2. Do your best, and then let it go. Too often I find myself feeling guilty because I'm not meeting someone's unrealistic and unfair expectations--sometimes my own! My Father knows me better than I know myself, and this was a lesson that He knew I needed to learn. I need to cut out all of the confusion and live more simply. And Simply put, I need to do my best and then let the rest go--in any situation. There is only so much you control during the TTC process. You can temp and track ovulation, but you can't force the egg to fertilize. So, temp and track ovulation and let the rest go. Does someone need a favor from you? Do what you can, but don't apologize for what you can't do. Just let it go. If someone is not happy with you, do what you can to help them understand and then let it go. You don't have to attend every argument to which you are invited.

3. Lastly, I know my God wants me to rest--rest my mind, rest my heart, and rest my body. Things will work out. The laundry will get folded, the dishes will get washed. And this pain? This pain will end too. Take time to enjoy your life, because (and this is the ONLY time this saying is permitted) you only live once.

Whew! Vacation really was a breath of fresh air. I'm so thankful for the time away that I was able to take in order to allow myself to rest and really listen to Jesus. I am so blessed with this life. I have an ever-faithful, unconditional relationship with a Father who is unfailing (Happy Father's Day, Abba!) and I have a loving, caring, strong husband who is with me every step of the way. Blessed beyond words.

Not only was this time away a blessing for my husband and I, but some of my family members were able to join us for the week: my mother, brother, and his two children.

My niece and nephew are four and five years old. I am also blessed to be very involved in their lives. I like to think of myself as a third parent. (I attend their parent-teacher conferences and often pick them up after school and daycare.) It was so much fun to spend the week with them. I believe being with young children at the beach makes it so much more fun, because not only are you taking in all of the beauty, but you can see the wonder in the eyes of the children as well! It was fun, but it was also a great "practice course" for parenthood. My husband and I were often the ones to get the kids ready for the day, smother them in sunblock, and take them to look for seashells and shark teeth, but we were also the ones to sometimes discipline them--the not-so-fun part of parenting (but so necessary)!

There were two instances with my niece, Alexis, that gave me a strong sense of what God might feel when it comes to me, as His child:

Instance # 1: Saturday morning we packed up and headed home. We were on the road for thirteen hours. We had breakfast at the beach house, stopped somewhere in Virginia for lunch and dinner time was coming up fast. Naturally, the kids were hungry! My brother bought Pringles to hold them over, but I wanted them to wait a little longer until we could get them some “real food.” Alexis began to pout and cry, “I’m hungry!” I begged her to hold off, just a little bit, and there would be something much better if she could just wait! She couldn’t. She ate the Pringles and was sorry when dinner rolled around.

Instance #2: This morning Alexis wanted to come to church with Auntie Bridget. As the preacher dismissed the children for Junior church, Alexis begged to stay with me. I whispered, “you won’t like this. I promise. Junior church is much better for you.” She insisted on staying right where she was, and I allowed her. I could not force her. I was saddened, because I knew this would ruin the experience of “church” for her, and I long for my niece and nephew to have hearts for God! As Pastor continued to give his sermon, Alexis’s head began to droop. Sure enough, when church was over, she firmly stated that she was not coming back.

Now, you’re probably asking how in the world I can see a little bit of God and myself in these situations. I’ll tell you! In the first, Alexis wanted something now. She didn’t know what was coming later, and she wasn’t patient enough to find out. She ended up very disappointed. Meanwhile, I knew what to expect and wanted the best for her, and I grew frustrated with her impatience. I want something now, but God is begging me to hold off, just a little bit longer, for something better, and I have to wonder if he sometimes doesn’t feel frustrated with my impatience! In the second situation, I know Alexis, and I knew that she would have had fun in junior church, but she felt more comfortable with me. So she stayed, and I grew sad at the idea of her being turned off to God. God knows what is best for me. He knows something that I don’t, and I just need to trust him!

Something better is coming. It’s right around the corner. I just need to drop the Pringles and wait for dinner!

Before I wrap this up I want to say Happy Father’s Day to my wonderful husband. He is not celebrating this day with his children in his arms, but we are celebrating with Hope in our hearts! [Yes, the double meaning was intentional ;)]